My son is 12. He has autism. He went to visit his father for 3 weeks. His father is on wife # 3. She has spent a total of no more than 5 weeks around my son. He (my ex) has spent maybe collectively a year, year and a half w/ my (our) son.

When I picked up my son he told me that she spanked him. I was extremely angry! I had meet w/ her prior & told if she had any questions or problems to call me. She said ok. I never received a call. My problem is not only w/ her but w/ my ex.

Some have told me not to send my son again. Some say I should ‘teach’ this gal a lesson. I know how I handled this…how would you handle this?

Heck yes I would feel the same if it were my sister or my mother. Neither of which have ever spanked my son. If it were his teacher, I’d be in jail. My son spends far more time in school than he does w/ his father & they have never laid a hand on him.
I appreciate all views & I don’t know why anyone here would give anyone else a thumbs down…But thanks to all who have contributed new single parents
Though I somewhat appreciate your answer you sure make a lot of asumptions. Yes I was angry. Someone struck my child. I have that right to be angry.
I never once said I didn’t ask why she felt the need to spank him. I didn’t even state how I ended up dealing w/ the situation. Just because someone gets angry doesn’t mean they (I) need anger management classes. For the record, I don’t care WHY she hit my child bottom line is she should NOT have smacked my kid.
I waited a few hours to calm down. I called his father to ask if she had spanked him. He said, "Yep, she sure did." Arrogantly too. So I hung up. & I shot them both an email stating though I do expect my son to follow their rules if he doesn’t though, spanking is NOT an option. If they cannot handle him call me & I will pick him up. & if it happeneds again my son will not be sent back & they can take me to court over it. I wrote, this was not a two way discussion & let’s move forward.
My son doesn’t mis behave. There is no reason to hit him. Trust me the email was the most civil way for me to discuss this matter w/ them new single parents

Uh, he’s 12. No 12 year old should be spanked. Even if he didn’t have autism, a 12 year old is way too older for that brand of punishment.

I would call your ex’s wife and speak to her calmly and rationally on the phone. Do not get angry! Ask if it is true she spanked him, then explain why it is inappropriate and tell her what methods of discipline work for you. Tell her that while you appreciate her trying to teach your son right from wrong, spanking is not an appropriate method and that if it happens again, you will have to rethink your decision to allow your son to be in their home because it may be an unhealthy environment for him due to his autism.